my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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