You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
