Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she looked like the before picture.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
