Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
