turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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