dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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