Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.