Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.