I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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