just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.