I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
