remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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