Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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