I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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