If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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