I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
