she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
