new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
