I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
