just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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