thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
