i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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