I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
