$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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