I wish my penis had an off switch
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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