so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
