I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
