It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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