I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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