I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
