new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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