I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
