I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
