just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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