Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
