my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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