literally had 100 drinks last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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