just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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