don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
