and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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