Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
