Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
