i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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