I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
