she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize