wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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