I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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