wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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