If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
