my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
