I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
