K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
