why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
