He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
