I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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