I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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